YUM CUZZZ

So we just got back from tour, and fuck me, I'm at Cap City. Everyone that knows me knows I can muck up, and to be honest, I was probably the quietest of them all. Everywhere I looked was BMX, beach chicks, and chaos, so I did what I do best, and that's capture the moment and bring you guys into the world of War Party while it all unfolded in front of me.

Now let's start with the War side of things. The fucking BMX! Roast the Coast, Alex Heads stop number six... I think? Sorry if I got that wrong, Tyson.

We had Dovey blasting straight up. He wasn't fucking around one bit. Kaz Campbell from the UK 360 inverted from London to Alex Heads and landed in the bowl while Skepta was blasting "That's Not Me."

Remember last week's blog? The man that shot past the moon all the way to Pluto? Well, Ben Hoskins was there again. This time he had a full-on Elon Musk suit prepared to blast up into space and collect data for Tesla.

The crowd was loving it. I was filming it all go down. Dean chucked his bike at me this week, which has turned into another lawsuit. Adam Hough, at 44 years of age, is still riding like he's 22. Sarah Niki turned up and put on a demo, and it was just a mad day.

Now, six hours on the tools straight, I was starting to get a bit sore in the shoulders. Ryan came back with some sweet drinks, and that was it—I clocked off, went and had a shower, met back up with everyone at the Bluffy, and we were ready for the party.

Now I'm telling you now, if you're not 18+, please stop reading this blog.

We be clubbing. Think Triple J Hottest 100, but up late... I'm not talking much BMX here. I'm just at the bar after Roast the Coast with the BMX boyzzz and a couple of cougars that are my age. But since the other guys are young, they're cougars.

Burgers and WAP shots first up, cuzzz. "Mumma's getting lit". I think these Gen Z kids think I've never partied and have only heard stories from 1998. I reckon they're testing my gangster right now with two vodka Red Bulls and a shot coming my way.

"BIGGGGGIEEEE!"

So I showed them I still got it.

BANG.

BANG.

Next, cuzzzz.

After a quick spicy buffalo chicken burger, I'm ready to rip in. First up, some drama in the lift. Apparently it's two persons in the lift... we were rolling deep, and a punch-on almost happened, but that's life.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie.

Bluff Bar, bitches. We be clubbing.

Three Wet Pussy shots coming up from Jack LP's trust fund. He then tells me the story about how his dad sent him $300 for the strippers, which he was absolutely pumped about, and somehow spent it all on a girl named Candy. (he's only 18)

Ryan rolls up in my ear asking if I want to go for a run.

"7.5km run, cuzz."

Norris rocked up from Rocky and is absolutely disgusted that his schooner is in a plastic cup instead of a glass. He's turning Japanese.

Quickly snapped a pic of Ryan, who then asked if I'd wait for him to shave his face so we could retake it... He's disappeared now. He's back. "I have 12 grand in my pocket."

Picture Wolf of Wall Street now, chucking Turly across the room.

Mr Moody just rocked up with five chicks, and somehow the internet is talking about me rocking up with chicks to the party. This guy is a real piece of work.

So here we are at Bluff Bar. It's not like back home... these girls will beat you the fuck up.

I noticed a group of baddies on the dance floor that Chai was with. One was biting people, another girl had her hat stolen right in front of me, and she chased the chick down looking like she was about to smash her fucking lights out.

Then one chick came up to me... not one of the hot baddies... and I was like, "Leave me alone." I told her I was married and quickly slipped a ring onto my finger.

She then grabbed my jaw and pretty much dislocated it all the way up to Cairns. I had to jump on a Rex flight, pick the fuck up, and fly back down to Bluff Bar before I missed something outrageous.