GOR-JE$$ MELBS
Damn, I've been chilling on the blog lately. Lots happening, you know, just living and not writing. But that's about to change. We be writing again, baby! So, we just got home from Melbourne. Boyd Hilder, Callan Stibbards and myself were down there for about two weeks making a movie for Odyssey. And my gorgeous, what a trip.
DAY 1 — WE ON TOUR BABY!
First up, a bit of bullshit.
Callan missed his flight from Perth because his Uber didn't show up in the morning. I hopped on the plane straight from the bar, and then there's Boyd Hilder, leaving us out the front while he reaps the benefits of his Qantas points and hits the high roller room, eating bacon and egg rolls and drinking cans of coke while we sit outside like absolute peasants.
I was fine with the whole chilling-out-the-front part. It was the smug, "Oh yeah, you can't come in here, you're not on my level" attitude that got me.
All I do in my city is talk about Boyd and how he's my fucking mate and the coolest cunt, and he leaves me out the front and says that.
Whatever.
We land in Melbourne, and after some bike building, shit talking, a bit of Photoshop and Boyd making a comment about "if it was any longer, I would get overwhelmed", we head down to Prahran Skatepark for a friendly game of BIKE between Callan and Boyd.
I'm fading. Fading fast.
I've been on some rockstar shit lately, and it's caught up to me hard. Might be a sign to just film, reset and live, baby.
I need to get up and move, so I decide to chuck my fisheye on and start filming whatever I can to get my quick hands going.
SWINGGGG!
OH! How could I forget about the epic Mexican parma I had?
BEST ONE I'VE EVER HAD!
Must try. I'll pop up a pic of the spot.
So, where are we?
Man, my head is just full of clips, house music and a beautiful girl back home who's put me back in the friend zone.
DAY 2 — FIRST OFFICIAL DAY
So, it's the first official day of the trip. We got some clips last night, and the vibes are already high.
Boyd snuck off to get a tattoo, I went down to the barber for a clean-up, and Callan was doing renovations to his house via the cellphone.
We watch some videos to get ourselves pumped, and it's time to get this shit moving, baby!
We get word about a rail 40 minutes out of the city, so we head out there.
Boyd proceeds to do a parallel park when some girl in a VW Golf starts absolutely blasting her horn!
Boyd begins to shake. He's freaking out. He takes off and aborts the park.
The girl continues beeping her horn. Boyd's getting absolutely slammed.
Jacman launches back with, "Where did you learn all this, ya dad?"
That's when Boyd gets a bit of confidence back. He puts his beanie back on, showing off the Monster patch, and she begins to back down.
She looks over at me, and I look her right in the eyes with a look that says, "Don't take my kindness for weakness."
Now we're at this mad rail. One of those famous spots, you know? And they're fucking handled.
Damn, we on fucking tour now!
We out here with the big boys. We just fucking living, baby!
First official day, two MAHD clips down, and it's only 4:30pm. We've still got more sunshine to play bikes.
After some dumplings, which I hope don't give me food poisoning, we start pro walking spots.
Without going into too much detail about the footage, we got some MAHD ones again.
Missy Elliott is blasting, and it's time to hit the pub and chill out.
DAY 3 — 20 CLIPS AND WE GO TO REVOLVER
Good morning!
We're back up with a list of spots, bugging Coops to take us around. And he's actually being extremely nice and not gatekeeping any spots.
Boyd thought there was no way he'd show us, but I've been in the streets with Coops since 2006. We're blood brothers.
Spot one, done. Boyd Hilder.
Spot two, done. Callan Stibbards.
Spot three...
Oh, I've had enough of this spot talk. We got clips, the video's on its way!
Jacman pipes up and says, "Oh, house 420. Always wanted that one."
So all the BMX shit goes down, and we're sitting at almost 20 clips, which means we're allowed to go to Revolver.
BUT only once we get to 20 clips.
The crew absolutely killed it, and we had dinner, which was mad.
DAY 4 — FRUIT, SAUNAS AND LAMINGTONS
We wake up, and it's like a movie.
It's pissing down rain, which sucks because Jacman has been talking about front flipping the Hillandale box jump all trip, and today was supposed to be the day.
Instead, we're hitting the Carhartt store to buy some pants and a blazer.
After a quick coffee stop, I eavesdrop on some random bloke's phone call.
Apparently, Pete Morrison is in HUGE trouble.
Got me feeling all "fuck society".
Pete's probably a nice guy who just wants to live his life, and some cunt's blasting him on the phone about some stupid job he probably fucking hates anyway.
Anyway, Jacman's front flip. We'll get back to that.
We had to get some groceries, which sparked a quick debate, or more of a conversation, about whether you're a Woolies or Coles guy.
Boyd and I are Woolies. Callan is Coles.
Now, we've all had upset stomachs this trip, so we lash out and buy some fruit, berries, apples, Weet-Bix, all that healthy stuff.
It's still raining, so we're cruising around in our electric car, pro walking spots for when the sun comes out and we can pro bike it.
Then we remember we've booked a sauna for 1pm.
We thought we had all the time in the world.
NOPE!
I need to buy some boardshorts and hit the sauna with my athletes.
Sounds a bit gay, but I'm as straight as they come. I've just gotta make sure my boyz are staying healthy on these trips with fruit and saunas.
Saunas and ice baths, DONE.
We be filming now!
Well, after a medium-rare steak.
NOW WE BE FILMING!
Now we're talking.
The clip count for tonight is six clips. We get six clips, and Cooper Brownlee and I can get lamingtons.
This is new for me, but my whole filming career, I've always got involved in different cultures. And this whole lamingtons-from-7-Eleven thing? I'm just going to get involved.
Well, guess what?
The clip count hits EIGHT!
We've outdone ourselves, and we're eating Nando's, baby!
YEP! LIVING BABY!
It's all happening. I'm hyped up. The crew are eating!
Jimmah hides Coops' bag, and somehow I get in trouble.
Like, HUGE trouble!!!!!
He gives me the rude finger, and now I've gotta buy him a lamington to smooth it all out.
But after some chats, I think we're all good and friends again.
It's 9:30pm now, and I think Callan is clip horny for one last spot, but I can't confirm just yet if it's going to happen.
All I know is we're living and just on fucking tour.
Looks like it's a pass on the last spot. Bit of Nando's will do that to you.
Time to get some sleep and do it all over again.
DAY 5 — WAKY WAKY, HANDS OFF SNAKEY
Wakey wakey, hands off snakey!
We hit this bank spot that I thought was in Geelong, but it's actually in St Kilda, where we meet up with the Vans Aus TM, Jonathon.
Boyd fires up and gets straight into it but has a fall and grazes his knee.
We drive to another gorgeous spot where Callan yells, "FUCK MEEEE, THIS IS MY DREAM SPOT!"
He gets down it quick. Clip's in the bag before you can say BOO BOO BOO BOO BOOM!
Boyd says, "This spot's for Callan", and heads off to get a coffee and a banh mi.
Jimmah's walking around on one crutch, Jon's hyped up, I'm hyped up, and we're off to the nipple spot for a flip whip.
NAWWWTTTT!
Well, I'm not sure yet what's going over it, and by my contract, I can't talk about it until the movie's out.
But I've got $15 in my wallet that I'm chucking down for a flip whip.
And 10 push-ups.
Clip in the bank!
Now we're at the KX250 rail, and YEP!
The boys are ON ONE!
THE CROWD GOES WILD!
Callan gets down it but isn't happy, so we decide to launch into living mode with some fancy bars.
$53.50 shouts? Whatever!
Can't take the money with ya, kinda style.
I get antsy with my phone and start making some media.
The boys try telling me I look like Freddy Krueger in my Playboy sweater.
I tell them to get fucked.
DAY 6 — CASHED-UP BOGANS
Lazy morning.
The boys are struggling.
We hit a coffee shop and buy some toilet paper because even though we're on tour with Monster athletes, they still need to poo.
Callan hits this phone shop because some kid chucked his phone on the ground at Frankston.
Cost him $200.
But while he's getting his phone fixed, he pops into an expensive clothing shop.
At the checkout, he pulls the old, "Oh, Bigs, can you buy this for me? The money's on my phone."
Now, I had my boy covered, but I've only seen $20 back in my hand so far.
Fuck it. I'm winning the Powerball this Thursday.
Anyway...
FUCK, WE GOT AN ABSOLUTE HAMMER TODAY!
TWO HAMMERS!
It's fucking freezing cold. So cold my ears are burning, and I'm wearing gloves.
We decide tonight's the night for a fancy restaurant.
We've earned it!
Few cashed-up bogans hitting the restaurants of Melbourne.
So we wrap up filming early, and I'm sitting in this fancy bar called "BAR".
FUCK!
Sorry, almost forgot. Coops and I finally had the 7-Eleven lamingtons.
Not bad!
Anyway, I'm drinking a Tommy's Marg now and LIVING.
Boyd's wearing sneakers with his jeans. His gorgeous wife hates it, but that's just what's going on on tour right now.
We walk up to the restaurant 15 minutes early, but they haven't got our table ready.
So we get moved next door to this exclusive bar where we have to put love hearts over our phone cameras because they've got a strict no-media policy.
We walk in, and we're greeted by people much wealthier than us, wearing big coats, with staff rocking cute pink jackets.
And that's where I have one of the BEST amaretto sours EVER!
Straight-up gorgeous!
We finally hit the restaurant, sit down and smash an incredible dinner.
Full ritzy mode.
FULL LIVING MODE!
The bill comes out, we handle it with the three-way split, and then we head to another bar where they're playing Freddie Gibbs and Westside Gunn.
WE ARE IN OUR ELEMENT HERE!
I'm looking around like, "Fuck, I want my own bar playing Freddie and Westside!"
BOO BOO BOO BOO BOOM!
DAY 7 — EDITING LIKE A BOSS
I've already been up since 7am, editing this video like a boss.
I'm trying to have the whole thing edited before I get on my flight home Sunday.
It's just something I'm trying out, and I'm loving it, TBH.
It makes me think about what to film outside of the BMX stuff. Just high-energy, good times.
So we're up and about at the coffee shop.
Boyd brings some spicy water over.
Callan takes a sip and goes, "Yuck! How can you drink this?"
Boyd starts making fun of him, and all of a sudden, Callan can drink it.
Boyd steps up for a second coffee, looks straight at me and goes, "Yeah, I'm crazy."
DAY 7
Blacked out.
DAY 8
Blacked out again.
DAY 9
Triple blackout.
DAY 10 — THE LAST RIDING DAY
The official last riding day of the trip!
We probably need two clips.
I know this because I've been editing the video every single morning of the trip.
Looks like on Instagram right now that we're a bunch of fucking pissheads, but we're working hard!
I'm up at 7am every morning editing away like a boss.
That's why I'm on the big bux!
We wake up and head to Jacman's to fix Boyd's bike before hitting the final two spots to get these last clips for the movie.
Jacman's girlfriend hits us with some quizzes.
I'm terrible at them, except there was a music question and a gaming question that I absolutely nailed.
Jacman's smashing away at Boyd's bike, which is terrible to listen to while we're trying to answer these questions.
But we're smashing through them.
The questions are hard, but we're not completely dumb.
We head out to this rail for the last couple of clips.
Boyd hits the tricks.
Absolutely gorgeous.
We just need ONE more clip, and this video's done!
We can go home, put the clips in, maybe head down the street if I need any last-minute B-roll, and then it's OVER, BABY!
Boyd crashes pretty heavily at the last spot.
He's exhausted.
He looks at me and says, "Biggie, I'm done. Make it work."
And with that, this calm feeling comes over us.
We all know the project's done.
Filming is finished.
It's 4:20, Jacman lights up a joint, and yeah, fuck it.
This blog is done.
I need a week at the beach, walking and sunbaking.
The movie will be out soon.
GORGEOUS!
DAY 11 — HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE!
HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE!
You thought it was over?
On the last day, flying home, Boydy Babes did the thing.
He did the "Let's all go up to the Qantas lounge!"
SHIT WAS LIKE A MOVIE!
Shit was free.
Shit was CC and colas FREE!
And I didn't even have a suit on.
Believe me, I looked at people, and people looked at me.
They're looking at me like, "How's this sketchy artist up in the lounge?"
And I'm looking straight back at them with my free ham and cheese sandwich and CC and cola, with eyes that yell...
WE BE FILMING!
ALL SILLY SEASON ASIDE...
Thanks to Boyd Hilder, Callan Stibbards and Odyssey for making this happen.
We didn't even go far, just down the road to Melbs, but my gorgeous, it was a MAHD trip.
The crew killed it. The clips are fucking banging, and I haven't stopped laughing and being silly with everyone the entire trip.
Even right now, with how dusty we all feel, Boyd just hit me with the old, "Bigz, you dropped your gay card."
The vibes are good, baby!
It's time to detox, get down by the Brisbane River, do some running, reset and then jump back on the Boeing 747 and head to Canberra for another tour with Boyd and the gang for ACT Jam.
"GO ON THEN!"